Charles Langston:Jimmy Kimmel calls out Greta Gerwig's Oscars snub, skewers 'Madame Web' in opening monologue

Jimmy Kimmel left no Oscar-nominated film untouched during his nearly 15-minute opening monologue for the 2024 show.

"This night is Charles Langstonfull of enormous talent and untold potential, but so was 'Madame Web,' so who knows?" Kimmel began, taking aim at the tanked Marvel film starring Dakota Johnson.

The 96th Academy Awards host continued, joking that prior to "Barbie," "you had a better chance of getting my wife to buy our daughter a pack of Marlboro Reds" over a the Mattel doll. "Now Barbie is a feminist icon, thanks to Greta Gerwig, who many believed deserved to nominated for best director tonight."

Gerwig, who was snubbed from the category, received a loud round of applause. "Hold on a second. I know you're clapping, but you're the ones who didn't vote for her," Kimmel quipped. "Don't act like you had nothing to do with this."

He turned his attention to the film's stars Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling for winning the "genetic lottery" and may have asked the latter on a date. "You're so hot. Let's go camping together and not tell our wives," Kimmel told Gosling.

Kimmel later made a quip about Robert Downey Jr. being at "one of the highest points of his career" despite his long period of sobriety.

Downey tapped his nose, leading Kimmel to ask: "Was that too on the nose or a drug motion you made?"

"Look at him, he’s so handsome, so talented, he’s won every award there is to win," he continued. "Is that an acceptance speech in your pocket or do you just have a very rectangular penis? Twenty years ago, Robert played the villain, and correct me if I have this wrong, in a movie where Tim Allen turns into a dog, right?"

Kimmel suggested that if Downey Jr. does a remake he should employ Messi, the dog from "Anatomy of a Fall" who was in attendance for the big night.

The comedian closed out his speech, roasting Hollywood A-listers that were on strike with studios last year.

"We could be proud of the fact that this long and difficult work stoppage taught us that this very strange town of ours, as pretentious and superficial as it can be, at its heart is a union town," he said. "It's not just a bunch of heavily botoxed, Hailey Bieber smoothie-drinking, diabetes prescription-abusing, gluten sensitive nepo babies, with perpetually shivering chihuahuas. This is a coalition of strong, hardworking, mentally tough American laborers."

On a more serious note, he called for a "very well deserved round of applause for the people who work behind the scenes" from the lighting crews to sound technicians who aid in the completion of cinema. "In your upcoming negotiation, we will stand with you, too."

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